


Stay/Alone

by raktajinos



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Established Relationship, Hand & Finger Kink, M/M, Mental Health Issues, References to Addiction, julian likes cardassian skin ridges, not really I just mention them a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Stay,” Garak asked, uncertainty in his voice. “I just...don’t want to be alone."</p><p>Garak's path back after the events of 'The Wire' are going to be long and painful, but Julian is going to be there every step of the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay/Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [neverminetohold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverminetohold/gifts).



> I went back and rewatched 'The Wire' this afternoon for this pinch hit and I'd forgotten how delightful of an episode it is! And I had so many story ideas that came out of it as a result. 
> 
> It was a delight to write this, Garak and Bashir are two of my favourite Trek characters, but I've never written them before. Now I have to write more. MOAR I SAY. 
> 
> I hope you like it.

Julian physically knocked on the door, his previous attempts at the chime getting him no where. 

“Garak, let me in, I’ll override the door if I have to,” he threatened through the strong metal to the man inside. He had to override the door pass several times in the past month, but he hated doing it, he firmly believed that Garak should _want_ him to come in, not simply force the help down his throat. 

Though he was prepared to do that as well. Garak was suffering and Julian was not the sort of man to sit idly by and let him suffer alone. 

The door opened seconds before he went to use his override, and Julian entered the blackness of the quarters, the heat turned up higher than normal. All the lights were off and the room lacked the ‘lived-in’ feel Julian had long associated with Garak’s quarters. It felt abandoned; a painting stood standing on its easel in the same spot as it had for days, the dry paint marking the same progress. Tailoring projects similarly sat untouched at his drafting table. But the quarters were clean, impeccable as they always were, a state in direct juxtaposition with it’s occupant. 

Julian wandered towards Garak’s bedroom, not turning on any lights, he knew the path well by now, sidestepping an end-table he always managed to whack his knee on during his first visits. He saw Garak laying on his side in his bed, face turned towards the window, staring blankly out into space, the lights on the exterior base creating the only illumination in the room. 

“Garak,” he said, trying to sound friendly but instead his voice just came out sounding concerned. Which he was. 

“Doctor Bashir, I see you will not give up our daily socializing, even when I have repeatedly told you to stay away,” Garak said, the voice lacking it’s normal spirit. 

The withdrawal symptoms from the wire device he had in his head had been brutal; ten days of violent mood swings, anxiety, vomiting and paranoia. Julian had stayed with him throughout, determined to see his patient, his friend, through it. While withdrawal had been unbearable, the real work came now. Garak had turned on the device to cope with the emotional stress of being isolated on the station. Without the constant hum of endorphins pushing through his system, his brain resorted back, those same emotional problems he sought to avoid ready and waiting for him. 

Julian had studied enough mental health medicine to know that this was the worst part, and the chances of relapse were at it’s most highest during this time. Julian had found a way to temporarily disable the device so Garak wouldn’t be able to turn it on no matter how hard he tried. He built a backdoor exit though, leaving the device functional in the instance that Garak may need it should something occur. 

He knew Garak had to just work through it, recognize what he was feeling and somehow find a way to push through. And Julian knew he could. Garak was the most frustratingly mysterious person he’d ever met, but he knew without a doubt, he was one of the strongest. 

“Well you’re such fabulous company, how can I resist,” Julian teased, sitting down on the bed next to him. He scanned him with the tricorder, knowing the results already, but feeling like he needed to do it anyways. 

Garak gave him a weak smile and an eye roll. 

“How are you today?” he asked softly, resting a hand on Garak’s hip

“Fabulous. And yourself?” he replied sarcastically. 

“Garak,” he replied, a warning tone in his voice. 

The Cardassian sighed, shifting his pillow slightly, “the same Julian, I’m the same,” he said, a bite to his words, frustration creasing his face.

Julian was pleased that he’d answered honestly. And he called him by his first name, which made him smile, pleased of the darkness in the room so he wouldn’t be called on it. Regardless of how much time they spent together, of how intimate they got, Garak rarely called him by his first name. 

He sat there, just being with him, hand absently rubbing circles into Garak’s hip through the blanket, in an attempt to be soothing. They were both looking out the window, though Julian doubted if Garak was actual seeing anything, just absently disassociating. He leaned back slightly, leaning to rest against Garak’s bent legs. 

“I’ve lived in space nearly my entire life yet I never cease to be amazed by the stars; such vastness,” he said after a long stretch of silence. It was a sign of Garak’s mental state that they were able to go so long without talking; he _never_ stopped talking. Well neither did Julian, but that was different. 

Garak made a grunt of agreement, “the view from Mount Calai is the most glorious I’ve ever seen.” 

Julian nodded, knowing the mountain he spoke of, it was a famous site on Bajor that nearly every Bajoran he treated in sickbay told him to visit. 

“I’d like to see it,” he said aloud, “maybe we could go sometime?” he hedged. It was a ploy to get him to make plans and they both knew it. 

Garak gave him a look. 

They fell into silence once more, just staring at the stars. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting there when he remembered something. 

“Jadzia is having a party tomorrow night, you should come,” Julian said, wanting Garak to leave his quarters at least once this week. 

“No one wants me there,” he replied, being self-indulgent in a way he never was. Self pity was not a quality Julian would ever ascribe to Garak. 

“Yes they do. I know you think everyone hates you, but you have more friends than you realize,” 

Garak grunted in response, but didn’t challenge him on the statement making Julian sigh, Garak never gave up a chance to debate the finer points of a topic. 

 

More silence. It was…strange. Garak was never silent, the man never shut up. It was one of the reasons Julian enjoyed spending so much time with him, he might always be talking but it was of interesting opinions and stories and arguments. He was a true intellectual, like himself. 

He lost himself in thought, thinking of Garak, of the base, of experiments he was running, of books he thought Garak might like. He shifted on the bed, his leg going numb, Garak reached a hand out to stop him, misreading his movement as one of getting up off the bed. 

“Stay,” he asked quietly and Julian was touched by the uncertainty in his voice. “I just...don’t want to be alone,” 

Julian didn’t say anything, just nodded and stood up, slipping off his uniform jacket and pants, tossing them on the chair in the corner. Garak had pulled the sheets back, shuffling over in the bed, and Julian climbed in, wearing his boxers and starfleet tank. 

It took only a moment to get comfortable, relaxing his body alongside the other man’s, they spent enough time in his bed that they had a rhythm. He settled his head on the pillow and sighed, realizing how exhausted he was. Garak rested a hand across Julian’s stomach, one leg pushing between his. It wasn’t a seductive move, just a gesture of comfort and a need to be close. 

“you need to shower,” Julian teased, wanting to make him laugh. 

“is that an invitation Doctor,” he said, a small chuckle in his voice. It was something Garak would say, but here, now, it sounded strained and foreign, the flirty comment delivered without his usual flair, the laugh not really a laugh. 

“Perhaps another time,” he replied, his hand resting atop Garak’s, tracing the patterns of his skin ridges, patterns he knew well. 

They lay there, and Julian was starting to doze off, the warmth of the quarters mixed with the warmth of the body next to him and his own exhaustion. Despite Garak’s suffering, Julian felt safe, comfortable, loved here in the bed of this man he knew yet didn’t know at all.

“I’m sorry,” Garak whispered suddenly, his face close to Julian’s on the pillow. 

“For what?” Julian asked, his brain fighting back to consciousness. 

“For what I said to you the other day. I don’t hate you...and I rather like your smug, sanctimonious face,” he confessed, using the painful insults he’d slung at him. 

Julian smiled, lifting his arm to run his fingers over the ridged features of Garak’s face. He loved touching Garak, the unique characteristics of the Cardassian skin had intrigued him as a scientist long before he’d met Garak, but then it was strictly inquisitive-based, now it was a tactile, concrete way to connect with a man who never revealed anything about himself. 

“Apology accepted,” he said, he’d been hurt in the moment but knew it was the withdrawal speaking. “You were experiencing a medical crisis, if anyone can understand that it’s me,”

“Yes, but still, I should not have said them, you….”

“Elim,” 

It was Garak’s turn to smile now, “don’t go calling me that around the base,” 

“just here then,” 

“yes,” 

Julian grinned at him, enjoying Garak’s embarrassment. “I like it. _Elim_ ” he said, enunciating the name. 

Garak looked at him, in that intense way that always sent shivers down Julian’s spine; the look that could terrorize as well as seduce. His eyes were sharp, solid black and focused. 

“Julian,” he said. It wasn’t a question or a prelude to a longer sentence; it just hung there, as promise or statement Julian didn’t know, but he didn’t doubt the intensity of the intent in Garak’s eyes. 

He smiled at him and wrapped his hand around Garak’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss. It started off innocent enough, a kiss to convey support, but it quickly escalated, the heat building. Rationally, Julian recognized that sex could be used the same way the implant had been, to break away from the pain without realizing it. The doctor part of him, which was quickly being pushed further into his subconscious by Garak’s roaming hands, noted that he’d have to keep an eye on it. Which wouldn’t be hard, he was Garak’s only partner. But the man part of his brain, and body, eagerly responded to him. It had been too long since they’d been together, the withdrawal and days leading up to it when Garak had begun pulling away. Plus, he was so beautiful and so intellectual, Julian was helpless to refuse.

There were some conversations they needed to have; Julian didn’t need the truth about Garak’s past, he was fine with the man keeping his secrets. But he needed the truth about the present. He had realized that Garak had been on the stimulant the entire duration of their relationship, as friends and then as lovers. They needed to talk about that and Julian needed to know where they stood, if Garak even wanted him anymore. Or if it was wise, would he be a trigger for him to potentially relapse. 

Though if the speed with which Garak had divested them both of their clothes was any indication, the man still wanted him. 

“I hope you don’t do this for all your patients suffering with depression,” Garak teased, pulling away to catch his breath, pushing the blankets off the bed, straddling Julian and bracing his hands on either side of his head. 

Julian groaned, the man never shut up. Even during sex he managed to find a way to talk through it. 

“I should really start charging for it then I suppose,” he said back saucily. 

Garak laughed then, and it was a real laugh with a real smile. 

“Am I going to be okay?” he asked in a sudden moment of vulnerability, the smile falling off his face replaced with concern.

Julian leaned up on his elbows, rubbing his hands up and down Garak’s arms trying to sooth, instead stimulating him by rubbing the ridges the wrong way. Well, it may have been less of an accident and more deliberate on Julian’s part, his body eager and full of anticipation now. 

He looked into the eyes of the man he was reluctantly falling for, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind of the answer. 

“Yes,” he said resolutely. 

“Your confidence in me is unnerving, Doctor,” Garak sighed. 

“It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick, but I’ll be here with you every step of the way, supporting you however you need,” Julian said, meaning it. Not just as his doctor, but as his friend and whatever the hell else they were to each other. 

Garak paused, his face pensive as he seemed to be making a decision about something. 

“Well, right now I _need_ to be doing something other than talking with the naked pink human in my bed,” he joked, eyes dark again, before closing the distance between them and finally shutting up for once.


End file.
